Winter's Anger

[ellajam]

I hope I didn't overdo it, and someone with more meter experience can probably help you with that, but these are some spots you can look at, you may not agree with my points, your poem.

Hello, ellajam! Oh no, you didn't overdo it. On the contrary, your input is wonderful, and it helps me think about the format of my writing. Thank you. So, I have a few questions before my first edit:

One day I walked a trudging through the snow "walked a trudging" is wordy for no gain.

Should I delete the "a" and just keep "walked trudging", or is there a better line to put here that would keep the flow going?

I'd walk or trudge or plod in any one word you prefer.

And uncovered the bump; nice lines, I'd cut "and"

I like how "and" grammatically connects the lines together, it feels too jarring to me without it.

To my hearth did roam. On a bitter night you roamed? Nah.

I'm not sure what I was thinking, something along the lines of "collecting firewood" or "hunting"

That's still not roaming, that's being out there with a purpose. Rabbits are freezing solid!

'Twas there in the cabin warning: I don't mind 'twas,

Oh no, is it bad form to use archaic words? I like them as an escape from the present.

It's your poem, I was passing on reactions I've had to my usage of non-modern language.

And slowly, so slowly, rested my head; I'd change "so slowly" to "I".

Interesting, I'll change that and see how it looks.

A tree on my woodshed did lay. "Did lay" is one of those lines twisted for rhyme's sake.

This is the most important line, and I want it to be heart-stopping. I'd need to think of a suspenseful stanza to lead up to it.

I agree, but I don't find it heart-stopping as is. Maybe you could make it more forceful then change the line ending in "day".

Hopefully you'll get some more critiques to help you edit. Good luck with it.