02-18-2014, 02:07 AM
(07-16-2013, 12:10 PM)TheNotoriousLmc Wrote: When I wake, I feel nothing but remorse, by lunch, I’m too sick to eat, and by dinner I’ve broken down in tears just wanting everything to be different.This line could use a semicolon: remorse; by lunch, I'm too sick too eat; and by dinner...
Other than that, this is poetry! It speaks from the heart, and I can tell by the rhythm and intensity that it was likely inspired and written out all at once. It's pretty much the way I write, to express emotions that I otherwise keep hidden away from the world, and the only trouble with this form is that it requires editing. I agree with the above poster that spacing out your lines a little more would add some pizzaz to your poetry, instead of the words in a dense paragraph flowing together in the mind, like this paragraph here.

