02-17-2014, 12:04 AM
hello,
unfortunately I only glanced at the other replies, so if i am repeating others ignore me
the poem is an idea, not such an original idea, true; but that doesn't matter too much. An unoriginal idea can be expressed originally. For example, take a love poem that says "to love someone is to love more than you love yourself" this is an idea of love, a popular idea of what it means to love. It is a bit flat though, isn't it? Doesn't really do what poetry can do with ideas, that is, turn them into a feeling, a sense, even a new idea. Consider "I gave her my last cigaret", just as done-to-death, granted, but even this cliche is better than "to love someone is to..."
So, in terms of your poem, or idea, try to plug it into the senses, or a situation, or a fact. What was the precise situation that lead to this idea? Did you meet someone who spoke a completely different language but were able to communicate? Did you look at a machine and realise the interconnectedness of everyone? It is these specifics that poetry is about (in this instance). Not, oh this particular thing made me have this idea, how can i schematize it? but rather, how can I show this general idea through the particular reality.
unfortunately I only glanced at the other replies, so if i am repeating others ignore me
the poem is an idea, not such an original idea, true; but that doesn't matter too much. An unoriginal idea can be expressed originally. For example, take a love poem that says "to love someone is to love more than you love yourself" this is an idea of love, a popular idea of what it means to love. It is a bit flat though, isn't it? Doesn't really do what poetry can do with ideas, that is, turn them into a feeling, a sense, even a new idea. Consider "I gave her my last cigaret", just as done-to-death, granted, but even this cliche is better than "to love someone is to..."
So, in terms of your poem, or idea, try to plug it into the senses, or a situation, or a fact. What was the precise situation that lead to this idea? Did you meet someone who spoke a completely different language but were able to communicate? Did you look at a machine and realise the interconnectedness of everyone? It is these specifics that poetry is about (in this instance). Not, oh this particular thing made me have this idea, how can i schematize it? but rather, how can I show this general idea through the particular reality.
(02-13-2014, 02:56 PM)Love Wrote: First off, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to read and critique my poem. I VERY much appreciate it honestly. You have really great advice!
Another member on here kind of inspired me to write this poem.
United Within
Continents divided by limitless sea
Cultures isolated for hundreds of years
Thousands of unique languages
Millions of different lifestyles
Yet there is one thing that we all share
we are all together
venture to the edge of the world
a smile is always the same
there is only one kind of people
all of which should be treated equally
and one of them is you