United Within

[ellajam]

Here's an example of an inspired poem that doesn't carry. It's like you're screaming pretension. I say keep the topic of social injustice, but write something more personal. Something striking to you. This poem is overgeneralized and comes off bleak.

Can't wait to see what you come up with,
Sandra

Thank you for the feedback sorry this may sound like a dumb question, but how would I personalize it per say?

Hi, Love, welcome.

There are many ways you could approach this thought. One is to create a situation that expresses it without stating it, a picture that would bring us to your conclusion. Another is to come up with a metaphor that will do the same.

I suggest reading more poems, when you come across something that effects you in an Aha way, you'll get the idea. I find this site a good place to read because the critiques point out what works and why as well as what doesn't work and why not.

Again, welcome.