Driving Back to the Apartment (passanger seat)

[visualcondyle]

We take turns
splitting the distance
between us with words
like children shattering
a frozen creek.

The world recedes
in the rear view mirror.
A warm syllable dangles
in delicate balance
on the edge of my lip.

In time it burns
and chars my mouth.
I let it slip
into my stomach
acid and smolder.

Highway hum fills the holes
left by non-conversations.
I look towards you —
your sinking
sun drives the sky below

us. I stare at what remains
of a horizon and speak —
black orifice, smoke drip.
You stare.

--------

We take turns
splitting the distance
between us with words
like children shattering
a frozen creek.

The world recedes
in the rear view mirror. a comma can work here as well
A warm syllable dangles
in delicate balance
on the edge of my lip. would love an em-dash here

In time it burns In time, it burns
and chars my mouth. a semi-colon here, maybe?
I let it slip
into my stomach colon can work here, or a comma
acid and smolder. love this line, it's very bold

Highway hum fills the holes The highway hum fills holes
left by non-conversations.
I look towards you —
your sinking
sun drives the sky below

us. I stare at what remains
of a horizon and speak —
black orifice, smoke drip. smoke dripping;
You stare.

--------

Hey there,

I love how evocative this poem is! The silence, the boldness,
and the strength of each moment no matter how difficult.

I placed some edits in there for word choice & punctuation. I can't help
but notice how your poem goes with your avatar as well (deer in headlights
maybe?). The first stanza is very well done, methinks

Thanks for posting,
VisualCondyle (Tara)