Gawkers

[ChristopherSea]

Your poems have a tendency to replace concision of image or thought with mere wordiness, creating a leaden rhythm, but this one stays just shy of that. It's densely written, but in a good way. You're clearly improving as a poet and this is a brilliant poem. The rhythm is solid and stable, each phrase rolls off the tongue. This is one which I'd love to hear read. The last line is my favourite. It brims with scorn, but also has a delicious splash of dark humour.

Like Erthona, there's nothing I would change in the poem itself. Every individual line seems to be exactly where it should be, and the central image is so subtly conveyed, yet so profoundly clear, that I envy you this poem! (I also agree with Erthona about his title suggestion, by the way.) Thank you very much for the read, ChristopherSea

Much obliged Jack for your time and critique! I shall comment more when I return from digging out. We had 12 inches of snow yesterday and will get 6 more tomorrow. Ugh...

I do understand your points about my style. I guess it is difficult for a watercolor artist to paint in black and white or a scientist to write in street language, but I am learning! As my first reviewer and mentor on site, I do appreciate your support and evaluation of my progress. As for Dale's title recommendation, it's gone from Gapers to Gawkers and back again. Therefore. I assume you like Gapers, just as I was learning towards Gawkers. Oh well...

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Actually Chris, stick with "Gapers", to change the title would give the impression that your "carrion scavenger" is a crow, but you define him as four footed later. Of course that could be read as just changing into an animal, but introducing the idea of a crow sets the poem off incorrectly. Sorry, bad suggestion.

dale

Not necessarily Dale. The crow as a symbol is potent and they are scavengers. I like the sonics of Gawkers with gnawing as well. The quadrapeds are really bipedal humans shapeshifting to animals as the scene shifts from tragedy to a spectacle. It is still worth considering. Much obliged for the return visit!/Cheers