fowl nest

[tomoffing]

Hey Dale,

Thanks a lot for your critique, its extremely instructive.

I've read Gapers (soon to be gawkers perhaps...) several times previously and it is an excellent, excellent piece. There is not a word out of place. Chris' creates clear cut, evocative, standalone images that also knit beautifully into the overall metaphor he's constructing.
Is it this aspect of his allegory you mean me to take instruction from? That I've landed awkwardly in the middle with some confusing individual images and a muddled overall metaphor?

Boiling would be hyperbolic, agreed. The line is actually "broilers" (birds bred for meat production as opposed to egg production).
Firstly, on reading now I see how this would be an easy mistake to make (almost encouraged by the line). I revised that line on several occasions and have reverted to an earlier iteration above. Let me know if this works better.

Secondly do you have the same same problem with the more indirect reference?
I'm trying convey the impending sense of death in the scene without a literal image so the conclusion retains the stronger focus.

thanks again,
t