fowl nest

[Erthona]

I would guess this is about office workers (wing-tip, shoes), but the metaphor breaks down when you bring in the "boilers". I think it is unsupportable hyperbole to try and compare anything in the workplace with being boil alive/dead. It's true no one gets out alive, but that is life, not the workplace. Overall, your intent is much more clear in the rewrite, but it still has a ways to go. In an allegory, which this basically is, especially a satirical one, should be fairly clear cut in a poem, if you are writing "Gulliver's Travels" you can be a little more obscure. Allegory is fairly straight forward, and has a one to one relation that does not deviate, or introduce aspect of one that do not apply to the other, i.e., the lion is Christ, he is sacrificed, he comes back from the dead, he brings salvation to his followers (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe). The lion, Aslan, for the most part, has a one to one correlation to Christ. I recommend you take a look at this poem by Chris called "Gapers", as it is similar in intent to what you are doing, and might find instructive (blue link below).

Dale
Gapers