02-13-2014, 04:10 PM
Edit 1
We take turns
splitting the distance
between us
with words; embers adrift
in cold air.
The world recedes
in the rear view mirror.
A syllable dangles
in delicate balance
upon my lip.
Inhale—
the syllable slips
down my throat
and smolders;
stomach coal.
Highway hum fills the holes
left by non-conversations.
I look towards you—
your sinking sun
drives the sky below us.
I stare at what remains
of a horizon and speak—
black orifice, smoke tap.
You stare.
Original
We take turns
splitting the distance
between us with words
like children shattering
a frozen creek.
The world recedes
in the rear view mirror.
A warm syllable dangles
in delicate balance
on the edge of my lip.
In time it burns
and chars my mouth.
I let it slip
into my stomach
acid and smolder.
Highway hum fills the holes
left by non-conversations.
I look towards you —
your sinking
sun drives the sky below
us. I stare at what remains
of a horizon and speak —
black orifice, smoke drip.
You stare.
Alright, so this one is a bit rough, cant get the third stanza to read how I want + not sure about the ending, but what do you guys think??? I've been stuck on it for awhile so putting it out here, appreciate all feedback. :^)
We take turns
splitting the distance
between us
with words; embers adrift
in cold air.
The world recedes
in the rear view mirror.
A syllable dangles
in delicate balance
upon my lip.
Inhale—
the syllable slips
down my throat
and smolders;
stomach coal.
Highway hum fills the holes
left by non-conversations.
I look towards you—
your sinking sun
drives the sky below us.
I stare at what remains
of a horizon and speak—
black orifice, smoke tap.
You stare.
Original
We take turns
splitting the distance
between us with words
like children shattering
a frozen creek.
The world recedes
in the rear view mirror.
A warm syllable dangles
in delicate balance
on the edge of my lip.
In time it burns
and chars my mouth.
I let it slip
into my stomach
acid and smolder.
Highway hum fills the holes
left by non-conversations.
I look towards you —
your sinking
sun drives the sky below
us. I stare at what remains
of a horizon and speak —
black orifice, smoke drip.
You stare.
Alright, so this one is a bit rough, cant get the third stanza to read how I want + not sure about the ending, but what do you guys think??? I've been stuck on it for awhile so putting it out here, appreciate all feedback. :^)