Some thoughts spilled.

[newsclippings]

The tense is confusing, especially to start the poem:

"He's talking about doing
chores on his vacation while growing up."

"He's talking about having to do
chores on his vacation when he was a kid."
--------------------------------
"Once every year he'd find himself in Victoria,
trimming bushes and fixing his mother's
house."

This is confusing. Did he not live with his mother, or did she have a house they did not live in?
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Sort of the same type of editing throughout.

Fun poem though.

Dale

Thanks for the input Dale. Regarding the tenses, you're right.

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I grin each time I read this. I like the contest of who had it worse, it screams youth ( or immaturity of they're old enough to be counting their blessings ).

I like the stomach, it moves the piece into intimacy.

And the big dick thing is funny (they never out grow that one. ).

Thanks for posting it, it's a relief.

I'm so glad you like it ella.

Side note, I've always wondered what your alias meant.
It just seems to make me hungry.
But everything makes me hungry.

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Free-Ranging Allowed, Creative Responses Encouraged
I realize this is a mockery of a poem and more like me transcribing spoken word, but feel free to respond in whatever fashion you'd like.

He's talking about doing
chores on his vacation [while growing up.] Implied by the next lines?
[Once every year he'd find himself] in Victoria, doesn't add anything
trimming bushes and fixing his mother's
house. I say I'd have loved that house [over my
vacations,] better than? [worse than chores] implied because
planning [them] took weeks, arguments exploded
in long car rides down to Virginia in 95 degree
weather, no air conditioner working because
the Mercedes overheated. [We don't overheat surely?]The motels were
always shitty and I'd spend more time in [the]
chlorinated pools than on the beach,
because [the] pools were clean and lacked seaweed,
or jellyfish. I told him he's [was]privileged to have had
it and he turns away, "no, no, no, no,
don't say that." He goes on about
why his life was tough and I try to sympathize
but all I can think about are his drawstring curls
formed by incessant heat from the dryer.[lovely image!]
[All I can think is] repeated? maybe just and how I like to sit in the dip
his stomach makes when he's lying on his back
and how I can feel his bones digging into
my ass after a while. I think about how he's
young and complains a lot,
and how now he gloats about the dick
I convinced him was big. Except he says it
in front of friends; makes me quiet.
Makes me think I should [laud over] sounds clunky, maybe brag?
how tight my pussy is.

As always I want to chop away - I like the change in subject matter, reflects how our attention often switches to sex ...love the impact of the last line.

I really liked the input you had to offer, so I made some changes. Thank you so much. :]

And yes. Mercedes' overheat. Least the older versions do.

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*models