02-13-2014, 08:41 AM
"two characters parent and child"
Yeah, I worked that out after a few reads, but I also think the gender is important. The gender in the adult seems conflicted. The gender of the adult seems mostly woman, as "she" seems concerned more with what a mother, not a father would: sunscreen, umbrella, but then the comments about rubbish bins seem more like the concerns of a father. I am not saying these are necessarily gender specific, but as the gender is undefined it leaves one to search for whatever clues are available that give an answer. As such the reader becomes focused on trying to work out who is who, instead of focusing on the poem itself.
It's not uncommon for a writer to assume the reader knows what they know, and thus leave out valuable information, in fact it is probably the most common one.
Keep working this has the potential to be a solid write.
dale
Yeah, I worked that out after a few reads, but I also think the gender is important. The gender in the adult seems conflicted. The gender of the adult seems mostly woman, as "she" seems concerned more with what a mother, not a father would: sunscreen, umbrella, but then the comments about rubbish bins seem more like the concerns of a father. I am not saying these are necessarily gender specific, but as the gender is undefined it leaves one to search for whatever clues are available that give an answer. As such the reader becomes focused on trying to work out who is who, instead of focusing on the poem itself.
It's not uncommon for a writer to assume the reader knows what they know, and thus leave out valuable information, in fact it is probably the most common one.
Keep working this has the potential to be a solid write.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.