Seasonal Starwars

[Keith]

There are some nice images, especially as they describe the non-speaker person (a boy?). The problem I have with this, outside of the occasional tense problem ("but I’m sat in a star-field" the most egregious), is I am uncertain who this story is about. I don't like "fill in your own character" stories, it is way to much work (If I am going to work for something as the reader it needs to be more important than who is who), plus that is the writer's job, not the readers. Think of this like a movie where the director has left you with five different camera angles to choose from and make a cohesive story. Why should you the movie watcher do that, when he has the information needed to select which angle best tells the story. Sure, I might put characters to these descriptions, but why should I struggle to do so, when you already have that information?

Dale

Many thanks for the feedback Dale much appreciated, there are only two characters parent and child, S9 and 10 were supposed to be a shift to present time with the child grown up and the parent now old. I can see why this would not come across so I will try and fix it, thanks Keith