I once had nothing…but I have most of it left ( Seasick Sam)

[ChristopherSea]

Tom, I think it works better in Dale's ballad form. However, the ellipses don't seem to add anything other than interupt the meter. In your structure, they may get the reader thinking about what those objects might be, as well as focus on the fat anatomy of those fingers. I am not certain what 'lessens' other than your time on the planet. Sorry, that is all I have at this time./Chris