02-12-2014, 08:06 PM
There are some nice images, especially as they describe the non-speaker person (a boy?). The problem I have with this, outside of the occasional tense problem ("but I’m sat in a star-field" the most egregious), is I am uncertain who this story is about. I don't like "fill in your own character" stories, it is way to much work (If I am going to work for something as the reader it needs to be more important than who is who), plus that is the writer's job, not the readers. Think of this like a movie where the director has left you with five different camera angles to choose from and make a cohesive story. Why should you the movie watcher do that, when he has the information needed to select which angle best tells the story. Sure, I might put characters to these descriptions, but why should I struggle to do so, when you already have that information?
Dale
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.