The Little Things

[just mercedes]

I enjoyed your write, and the revisions you've made have tightened up the poem. Some notes:
ReWrite


The Little Things

It looked like a painting,
what the painter sees,
only it was the little things [For me this whole first stanza is not needed. You tell your reader what you then spend the next lines on showing them. ]

the aging couple, at the little cafe, [This stanza seems riddled with 'the'- try to trim them out]
the tiny tables, the man, his hair white,
thinning, thick glasses, the empty plate [love the thin/thick tension here]
in front of him pushed to the middle ['the empty plate in front of him' feels clunky - why not try just 'his empty plate'?]
of the table; he was eating cherry pie,
he held his fork in his left hand ['fork held in' much smoother than 'he held his fork']
like a music baton, accessible

the little woman across from him,
her hair also white, a soft hat on,
like a little bird in a nest, [nice images]
she was sipping chicken soup,
a glass of water, ice half-melted, half
empty, it seemed like she was waiting [she seemed to wait]?
for something small, a bit of conversation

this aging couple, they love each other; [not needed]
the man’s free right hand touching [I'd rather see active verb forms - try 'touches']
her left index finger, a small gesture;
in a few short minutes, they will enter
a different landscape, natural depth
borrowed from each other’s perspective
[/quote] [good strong ending]