02-07-2014, 10:33 PM
Hi tom,
I feel there must be a central metaphor here since otherwise there doesn't seem much point to the poem. And to be honest I'm really usually terrible at picking up metaphors, so don't be offended, but I'm wondering if you're aiming at the internet here? Bytes and wires and lots of squawking, being cocky, freedom, etc? Sort of seems to fit, ish.
Honestly I don't really get what you're on about, but it may be my problem, not the poem's.
One comment that has been made to me many times on this site is that -ing verbs are not strong in poetry, and you have a lot here. Maybe you could try to clean that up a bit.
Sorry I can't be more helpful!
-justcloudy
I feel there must be a central metaphor here since otherwise there doesn't seem much point to the poem. And to be honest I'm really usually terrible at picking up metaphors, so don't be offended, but I'm wondering if you're aiming at the internet here? Bytes and wires and lots of squawking, being cocky, freedom, etc? Sort of seems to fit, ish.
Honestly I don't really get what you're on about, but it may be my problem, not the poem's.
One comment that has been made to me many times on this site is that -ing verbs are not strong in poetry, and you have a lot here. Maybe you could try to clean that up a bit.
Sorry I can't be more helpful!
-justcloudy
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.