02-07-2014, 10:23 AM
The meaning in this line isn't unclear: "leaving them in an everlasting hiss."
I understand that you mean the subject will leave the demons behind after overcoming the obstacles he/she is experiencing. However, I think you should reword it. You can't leave someone "in a hiss."
Also, this is a little thing, but why is "Demons" capitalized in the fourth stanza? Just wondering if that was intentional. I didn't see it capitalized anywhere else in the poem.
Otherwise, I think it's a beautiful poem. It seems like it's about something that means a lot to you.
I understand that you mean the subject will leave the demons behind after overcoming the obstacles he/she is experiencing. However, I think you should reword it. You can't leave someone "in a hiss."
Also, this is a little thing, but why is "Demons" capitalized in the fourth stanza? Just wondering if that was intentional. I didn't see it capitalized anywhere else in the poem.
Otherwise, I think it's a beautiful poem. It seems like it's about something that means a lot to you.