02-06-2014, 01:31 PM
As it is the "lawn"..."now wilting darkly in the rain" I have no problem with it. There are a number of things one "could" change, but most relate to preference. Except for the hint of nostalgia and personification, this is a very "Imagist" sort of poem, and although you have strayed outside of the purely objective, I think that is the strength of the poem. Without the "sentimentality" the poem would be more drab than the scene that it describes.
Dale
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.