Waiting for the tide
#3
(02-06-2014, 09:39 AM)just mercedes Wrote:  
(02-06-2014, 09:32 AM)Keith Wrote:  With emery cloth hands
dusted like a weightlifter,
I caress the natural curves
and blow gently with the grain,
dreaming of summer sails.

If you were a NZ Maori you would be banned from carving - it is an insult to Tane, the God of trees, to blow on wood when you carve. tut tut.

Apart from that, I like the poem - the dreamy feeling at the end offsets nicely the specific first lines. I also like that you blow with the grain, it focuses my attention on the wood - is it the same carving that had a mar in it? Smile

I'm wondering if the second line should be "dusted like a weight-lifter's".
I can see your change working so I've done a quick edit thanks for that, no more blowing on wood for me. Best Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Messages In This Thread
Waiting for the tide - by Keith - 02-06-2014, 09:32 AM
RE: Repairs - by just mercedes - 02-06-2014, 09:39 AM
RE: Repairs - by Keith - 02-06-2014, 10:09 AM
RE: Repairs - by Erthona - 02-06-2014, 01:17 PM
RE: Waiting for the tide - by Keith - 02-10-2014, 04:11 AM
RE: Repairs - by billy - 02-06-2014, 01:41 PM
RE: Repairs - by ChristopherSea - 02-06-2014, 09:40 PM
RE: Repairs - by bena - 02-09-2014, 10:50 AM



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