The World and All Its Light

[tectak]

Hi hes,
Sentiment rules...I like the quietness of understated emotion...no "but" here, it gets by on veracity. There are places where a pedant can drop a kerchief...pick it up or leave it. Here goes.
My grandmother's garden in spring was like
the courtyard of a faded mansion, where once someone where someone of note once sat
of note had sat; not to talk of anything grand Disconnect. One does not need to sit for any inverted reason...least of all the exclusivity of talking...so why mention it? Better to say "...of note once sat; no grand oration nor pride in pose, but just to sit, leaving his (their? plural. Singular, surely, as evinced by next line) shadow in a (adjective to suit) plaque." Form of a plaque? Or a plaque?
or pose, but just to sit, leaving their shadow
in the form of a plaque. "A statesman once sat here."
The cracked paving slabs (pink and yellow, No no. Impertinent thoughts which pop into your mind need to be gently massaged into the flesh of a poem...not crudely tattooed on the surface. Battenburg...maybe but of what relevance? Avoid the pointless metaphor/simile.
Battenburg) revealed the brittle grass, now black with age.

Over the rear fence, moulding and bowed, the tops of trees
called out to you, "come here, come here, the world
and all its light are over here". The birds were meaner; Line breaks are becoming randomised. If you abandon rhythm...abandon it completely. You cannot beat one drum with three hits from three different sticks...or derive rhythm with three different lines.
they swooped and soared with gay abandon, featureless Ooops! Gay abandon? That's a new one on me... not
like birds in children's pictures. They rarely stopped
to perch on our birdtable, or tease the brittle grass.

A lot to like but it is let down by the packaging...too much of it.
Best,
tectak