Heroic Crown of Sonnets (Another Activity)

[ellajam]

Thanks so much for your suggestions, billy.

great effort jammy (ellajam)

iv.

A human finger moves us. After all a suggestion would be to make this one sentance as i'm not sure the enjambment works well enough as it is I'll try it with an edit L2.
the weeks you grew inside your mother's womb,
arriving early with an anxious bawl, would a period work better here? Absolutely, comma in error
I count the possibilities of doom
and triumph on your toes, my abacus, i like the image of this line, should it be a semi colon after toes because of the shift change
as monitors and regulators beep
and flash your vital signs. You turn and fuss,
then slip back into artificial sleep,
your dreams a mystery of graphing flares.
I trace your palms and tell your future, grand
achievements, escapades and love affairs,
your secret strengths held in your tiny hand.
Although we strive to justify our worth,
we cannot earn the luck or curse of birth.

Abacus is a problem, I'm meaning:
I count the possibilities of doom
and triumph on your toes, (they are) my abacus,

I need the comma after toes, and for a semicolon or period after abacus I'd have to reword the next line. I'll think on it.

A human finger moves us after all.
For weeks you grew inside your mother's womb,
arriving early with an anxious bawl.
I count the possibilities of doom
and triumph on your toes, my abacus,
as monitors and regulators beep
and flash your vital signs. You turn and fuss,
then slip back into artificial sleep,
your dreams a mystery of graphing flares.
I trace your palms and tell your future, grand
achievements, escapades and love affairs,
your secret strengths held in your tiny hand.
Although we strive to justify our worth,
we cannot earn the luck or curse of birth.

Does that read better?

And I used weeks instead of months because they count premies in weeks, anyone bothered by weeks?