02-04-2014, 09:33 PM
Hello Zain,
'Cycle' may capture your alternating interval of sunrise and sunset, but it seems too simple a title for the rich imagery that follows. However, it does suffice as a clue to the theme. As a painter of watercolors, I can really appreciate the full palette that you used herein. This is rich in metaphor as well, but perhaps a more central one would serve the piece better (e.g. Apollo pursuing a Gryphon). With feathers, dragons, steeds, eating, vomitting, sleeping and singing, it is rather busy. Additionally, if you want to stick with no punctuation, your should minimally cap only the first word of each sentence for better reader guidance and poem flow. Nonetheless, I like grand visuals. Good luck with your next edit! Cheers/Chris
'Cycle' may capture your alternating interval of sunrise and sunset, but it seems too simple a title for the rich imagery that follows. However, it does suffice as a clue to the theme. As a painter of watercolors, I can really appreciate the full palette that you used herein. This is rich in metaphor as well, but perhaps a more central one would serve the piece better (e.g. Apollo pursuing a Gryphon). With feathers, dragons, steeds, eating, vomitting, sleeping and singing, it is rather busy. Additionally, if you want to stick with no punctuation, your should minimally cap only the first word of each sentence for better reader guidance and poem flow. Nonetheless, I like grand visuals. Good luck with your next edit! Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris