Coming of Age, Again (Give an Inch) edit #4.1

[ellajam]

Thanks, billy, great suggestions.

i like the title it works well with hair length and what men like (i almost cried when my youngest had her hair cut short

it's a great attempt at the sonnet form you have the two part, and the break after line 8 is clear. and the couplet rounds it off well, though it feels a little weak

what little left you do to or with it, be really mild in anymore edits and possibly even step away for a week or month etc.

great stuff

ellajam Wrote: edit #3 (milo, news, true, jc)

Give an Inch...

The first time was to please an ex
who viewed her graying with disdain--
what's with that bond of hair and sex? should this line be capped? yes
She dove in with a chestnut stain. the transition from the above line to this one doesn't feel to work that well, a suggestion would be [she answered with a chestnut stain] or something that's smoother. "dove in" is still in play
Years passed before she asked herself
"Hey, wait a minute, is that me?"
She put the bottle on the shelf,
embraced her curiosity.
Her new love takes her as she is,
declares that she can do no wrong. you will not believe me but i my very self have used this line before . Yes, I believe you.
He then reveals his preferences:
"Babe, gray is fine, just keep it long."
She wonders why they even care, would something else other than even work better, a suggestion would be [bloody] or some other mild expletive. Bloody would do well but it's not a word I use, I'll try to be more emphatic here.
She'd always thought it was just hair.

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oops, I forgot to rhyme. I never rhyme. I'm horrible at it.

No oops, forgetting the rhyme came up with a great word. It's my job to work it in. Feel free to forget my rhymes any time.