01-31-2014, 05:05 AM 
	
	
	(01-31-2014, 01:23 AM)71degrees Wrote:71 degrees both you and Brownlie pointed this out and I agree with you. I wondered why I put it in here. It slipped in between drafts when it used to work. I'll fix it.(10-16-2013, 07:27 AM)Todd Wrote: Beneath yourThis is a fine statement poem. One of the best I've seen. My only nitpick would be your use of the semi-colon. Your second thought in the first stanza is an adverb clause, which are not usually separated by semi-colon. Unusual use and this is coming from an advocate of unusual uses for punctuation. Was curious as to your intent. It just doesn't follow the pattern used in the 2nd stanza, and stuff like that sticks out in such a short poem.
eyelids; so you
would see.
In hieroglyphics,
so you would
never understand.
Please don't get me wrong, the poem is wonderful. I wish I had written this. I love brevity.
I do appreciate your comments and all the others on the thread. I'll review them all.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
	

 

