The World and All Its Light

[billy]

hi jack

i like the feel of it, run down yet warm and full of memories.
i do think you could make it less yet more. some suggestions below;

for me the enjambment could be different
an example; (not a rewrite)

Over the rear fence, moulding and bowed
tops of trees called out to you,

"come here, come here, the world
and all its light are over here".

The birds were meaner;
they swooped and soared with gay abandon
featureless
like birds in children's pictures.

i don't think it would take take long to give it a good edit because you already have the story
thanks for the read.

My grandmother's garden in spring was like is my needed? we can assume it's the 1'st persons granny. i think the line reads better if it ends after spring
the courtyard of a faded mansion, where once someone
of note had sat; not to talk of anything grand
or pose, but just to sit, leaving their shadow
in the form of a plaque. "A statesman once sat here." would the quote be better on it's own line?
The cracked paving slabs (pink and yellow,
Battenburg) revealed the brittle grass, now black with age. a suggestion would be The cracked Battenburg paving slabs, let them google as it's a common item

Over the rear fence, moulding and bowed, the tops of trees
called out to you, "come here, come here, the world
and all its light are over here". The birds were meaner;
they swooped and soared with gay abandon, featureless
like birds in children's pictures. They rarely stopped
to perch on our birdtable, or tease the brittle grass.