Altoona (1977)

[heslopian]

Altoona (1977)

What I think about
sometimes
were the box cars Tense shift (to past) with "were".
coupling
an engine, roundhouse
miles of track
leaving
across a river
its current, mud This line doesn't quite connect with its predecessor as one sentence or clause. If you're not going to end lines with punctuation, why not create separate verses for each thought?
and sand, concrete
pylons and branches
caught
in swirling water Nice, pristine image. One of modernity versus nature.

the middle-of-town
siren, howling dogs
a park, Little League field Ditto the previous criticism about punctuation.
cracked tennis courts
winding dirt roads
beach, empty pavilion
late at night
part of her
left alone
the two of us
walking
music calling
to where insects sang
about one idea
at a time
many such stories
more beautiful
than answers

You clearly have a gift for small, sharp images, and there's a quiet profundity at work here. What this poem needs now, I think, is a little more texture; focus on depicting a single setting now and then, or be more direct with the narration. JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read