01-29-2014, 08:51 AM
Ella,
I miss the "did the trick' line. I think you should maybe keep most of the lines in their original placement from V2, and just wait for the ideas to come to edit the parts that are problematic. Maybe just knead it and refine it a bit: focus on some of the problem words that milo pointed out, and just work on them one word at a time. I saw that Cloud thought I was saying you should switch the two lines in the couplet. That's not what I meant. But I wonder if it might work? Beneath might work for a line break if there's actually something beneath it.
I miss the "did the trick' line. I think you should maybe keep most of the lines in their original placement from V2, and just wait for the ideas to come to edit the parts that are problematic. Maybe just knead it and refine it a bit: focus on some of the problem words that milo pointed out, and just work on them one word at a time. I saw that Cloud thought I was saying you should switch the two lines in the couplet. That's not what I meant. But I wonder if it might work? Beneath might work for a line break if there's actually something beneath it.