Coming of Age, Again (Give an Inch) edit #4.1

[ellajam]

Hi ella, lovely edit.

You're clearly in good hands with milo and true, but thought I'd throw in my 2 cents.

I third that "incongruent" and "bequeath" both don't fit the established tone of the poem. Yes incongruent is the perfect idea but it really sticks out, in a bad way. Maybe for the couplet at the end you could make the second line first, like true suggested. If you're cool with slant rhymes the second line could be a play on "turning over a new leaf". Just a thought.

Overall it's a very approchable sonnet and the majority is pleasant and easy to read, and really funny too. I wasn't sold on the original but this edit was a huge improvement! Nicely done.

-justcloudy

I'll take your 2 cents any day.
Sometimes it's hard for me to hear my own work so I really appreciate you letting me know what is off.
Leaf is a lovely idea, if I can even keep beneath. I'll keep it in mind.

Thanks for your time and thoughts.

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I put a new edit up, I'm nor sure if I've strayed too far from the original thought, or if that's a good or bad thing.

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meh, L5, at least, stinks, I'll try not to post so quickly in the future.