Beaten Bones of Teak and Steel (a sonnet)

[beaufort]

Can't resist a sonnet, though no expert, here goes:

Beaten bones of teak and steel, alone in
weeds and dunes, decay. Their last rites the sound
Beaten bones of teak and steel, alone
in weeds and dunes, decay. Their last rites
the sound of riggings blown in the wind.
Thin the mast; the ropes once firmly wound...

of rigging blowing in the wind. Grown thin
the ancient mast; the ropes once firmly wound
on cleats now lie unraveled on the deck.
The captain dead. The crew as well. Around,
a scene of barren seas and skies. The wreck
sinks slowly on her side into the sands.
She was the best, of new design, the prideleave out "the"
of Portugal. She went down with all hands.this line and the next, to my ear, need one less (I don't know poetry language, but you have six stresses instead of five if that matters to you) Spain would work for line 5 instead of Portugal
Mangled on the reef, carried by the tide
onto the beach. Unseen by human eyes,
a monument to those poor men who died,
the only witness of their helpless cries. Great ending

Please know that this is just my opinion, take or leave. I think it will be great after a bit of tweaking on the rhythm. I'm trying to learn more poetry-speak so hope my comments are half-way clear. Linda[b]