01-25-2014, 01:10 AM
I'll let the experts get technical with you. Here's what I think.
While some of the lines stick out to me, I think you're doing a fabulous job pushing yourself. I like poetry with a little dirt in it, so thanks for the inclusion of sex. :]
And thanks for the read,
Sandra
(01-22-2014, 11:37 PM)ellajam Wrote: Silver SonnetOne of my professors dyed her blonde hair black for a decade and decided to let it grow out naturally for the first time when I met her. It had turned red.
She did it first to please an ex
who thought her pale strands should be dyed--
what's with that bond of hair with sex? I never understood this bond either. Without going into frivolous details with my past, I think it's the main reason most women chop their hair off after a breakup. Or turn their face to other vaginas.
She fought it then she caved and tried
the wash out type, it did the trick;
a decade passed of monthly rinse,
her tresses still dark brown and thick.
While laugh lines grew it was years since
she'd seen herself as she should be. this line seems a little beneath the content of all the others. While I like where this poem is taking me, this line sticks out like a hatchet wound because it's not as good as the others.
One day she woke and asked herself
"Hey, wait a minute, is that me?"
She put the bottle on the shelf
and now with grace old age bequeaths
gray rises slowly from beneath.
(I'm not sure I get away with the meter in L8, help please. Of course, all crit welcome.)
While some of the lines stick out to me, I think you're doing a fabulous job pushing yourself. I like poetry with a little dirt in it, so thanks for the inclusion of sex. :]
And thanks for the read,
Sandra
I'll be there in a minute.