Whiskey Memories third edit

[billy]

hi beaufort.

the poem starts off about the girl with big hips and moves to the men and their wives without missing a beat, i can only pick out a few nits where there are unneeded words like [but] and [the] etc. and the first line thing but other than that i enjoyed the read. it's what i presume the midwest usa to be like.

Side Track Grill

As a child she was fat like her mother,
arms and legs sausage tight and round,
her aunts always whispered, rolled their eyes,
knowing she could never find a man.

But now she’s almost grown, eighteen, is but needed?
and working at the Side Track Grill is and needed?
Her made-up eyes are smokey and piercing, what about a comma instead of and?
Her hips, grandma said, made for birthing. i really like this line. it works well with the 2nd line of the 1st stanza. and is very gandma like. it also shows us some of the things that moulded her

The boys act the fool around her, is [the] needed?
in sleeveless shirts they work the fields
dreaming of her legs around their waists,
hips rolling like the wheels of a Chevy. great image and very masculine to boot.

Even the grown men after work is [the] needed?
watch the way she flips
her hair just so, the way she laughs
and then shoots anger out her eyes
when she sees them staring.

They wearily down a scotch or two,
before taking the back road home -
home to their memories of dark-eyed girls,
of rolling hips and smoky laughter;
home to their dreams of success,
home to their wives, now thick and sour,
who want more than they can give.