01-22-2014, 02:40 AM
Hi, Blake, thanks for the read.
I've had an issue with L8 in all 3 versions, and its getting worse. You seem to be saying that most people would not understand that a change from gaming and loud music to spending time raising a child is an improvement in your narrator's quality of life. I can't even get on board with most people thinking it's less cool. I think the rest of the poem is about the narrator's point of view, and this line is jarring for me.
I've had an issue with L8 in all 3 versions, and its getting worse. You seem to be saying that most people would not understand that a change from gaming and loud music to spending time raising a child is an improvement in your narrator's quality of life. I can't even get on board with most people thinking it's less cool. I think the rest of the poem is about the narrator's point of view, and this line is jarring for me.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

