01-21-2014, 06:25 PM
I think I would go with the definite article "this" instead of the indefinite article "a", as it makes it more personal, e.g.,
"is this collection of wishes and cigarettes."
I also liked Billy's suggestion of "white" noise" as it carries the connotation of meaninglessness, or trash with it, but I would also keep what, so... "What white noise".
I was also wondering if you really mean "gum stuck next to the keyboard."? or "gum sits next to the keyboard."?
Using both seems redundant. Continuing the personification I think I would like, "While my gum sits waiting by the keyboard." It gives the implication you are playing and singing a song and that you put it there until you're done, not unlike when a guitar player sticks this cigarettes up in the keys/tuners of his guitar until he is finished playing.
That's all.
Dale
"is this collection of wishes and cigarettes."
I also liked Billy's suggestion of "white" noise" as it carries the connotation of meaninglessness, or trash with it, but I would also keep what, so... "What white noise".
I was also wondering if you really mean "gum stuck next to the keyboard."? or "gum sits next to the keyboard."?
Using both seems redundant. Continuing the personification I think I would like, "While my gum sits waiting by the keyboard." It gives the implication you are playing and singing a song and that you put it there until you're done, not unlike when a guitar player sticks this cigarettes up in the keys/tuners of his guitar until he is finished playing.
That's all.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.