Still Life with Piano and Seagull

[billy]

some of the themes you have (sea, music, dreams,) are well woven throughout the poem. it has a surreal feel to it which the last line adds to more than other lines. just a few nits which wouldn't take long to do if you'd a mind to.

thanks for the read.

After a broken sleep broken sleep feels cliche
Devoid of dreams
And with no promises to keep this line feels apart from the poem. is it needed?
I lingered at my window
And beheld a black piano
Stranded at the end of a sandbar unusual is good in this case. i like the S's
In a sparkling blue bay another word instead of sparkling?

An ivory seagull
Hovered above the instrument
Listening for a melody
In the key of air
And water
And sky
And wind
And freedom i like the premise that nature is musical.
And it swooped to play
The chord of loneliness
In the cry of scavengers
In their wheeling pursuit
Of sustenance and love not sure love works in this instance,
Knowing their place
In the scheme of things i think you have a very little editing to do with this stanza.

The gull, rising, floated
On a current of air
To where I waited at the window
And it beat its wings slowly only needs and or it, not both
Staying level with my face
And I felt a strange affection
As I gazed into its golden eyes
And smiled at my reflection i like this line, aqnd how it shows the 1st person to be the gull.

© Donna Devine