Still Life with Piano and Seagull

[Keith]

After a broken sleep
Devoid of dreams
And with no promises to keep Not sure what this line adds
I lingered at my window
And beheld a black piano beheld sounds out of place
Stranded at the end of a sandbar
In a sparkling blue bay a nice vivid image

An ivory seagull
Hovered above the instrument
Listening for a melody I like this a lot
In the key of air Not sure what you are going for here
And water
And sky
And wind
And freedom
And it swooped to play
The chord of loneliness I like the musical word play here
In the cry of scavengers another nice image
In their wheeling pursuit
Of sustenance and love
Knowing their place
In the scheme of things

The gull, rising, floated
On a current of air
To where I waited at the window
And it beat its wings slowly no need for And
Staying level with my face
And I felt a strange affection
As I gazed into its golden eyes
And smiled at my reflection

© Donna Devine

Hi DonMar I enjoyed your poem, the feeling of melancholy comes across really well and you give the reader some nice strong images, I would ask you to reduce some of the filling words including the overuse of And. I'm not a lover of starting each line with a capital as it distracts the reader, for me, correctly used punctuation allows you to control the way your poem is read. I have added some comments above and I hope they are of some use. Best Keith