Out of the labyrinth

[Keith]

Hi Blake thanks for commenting I'm not very structured in anything I do, I guess it was intentional as I looked at it and thought it still sounded ok I did try to bounce Red off leg and Cry off cer so I did make some attempt just not on the end rhymes. thanks keith

I can see why you left those words as cerulean is a pretty nice word and bight is also a good one. Both words are a bit hard to replace with a direct synonym without losing effect.

I'm a sucker for big, descriptive words and rhymes. That also is likely my downfall

I have noticed you like big and the end rhymes, You are much better at them than me. Best Keith

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Keith, would you consider:

Laughter trails behind me,
wings beating faster to the breast,
cliff tops drop beneath me,
sea breeze glides to rest.

Although you may be speaking about a group, the switch to 'me' and the addition of that single set on wings would go further in bringing across the Icarus reference and/or metaphor. At first, I thought this was a group of tar and feathered hooligans escaping to the beach!

A warning not to touch,
or slip on heated streams,
warming just too much,
inside a clouded dream.

I drowned crystal cerulean,
whitewashed days away,
heavy on the oceans bight,
a fallen feathered stray.

Tar stains on my back
cannot blemish me,
wax runs red to legs,
the sun has set me free.

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I will have a think on this Chris, he was with his dad so he had someone to laugh with, I agree about working in some reference to wings just to lay a few more bread crumbs, as ever its all clear in my head. Thanks for taking the time and the advice. Keith