01-16-2014, 05:20 AM
Keith, would you consider:
Laughter trails behind me,
wings beating faster to the breast,
cliff tops drop beneath me,
sea breeze glides to rest.
Although you may be speaking about a group, the switch to 'me' and the addition of that single set on wings would go further in bringing across the Icarus reference and/or metaphor. At first, I thought this was a group of tar and feathered hooligans escaping to the beach!
A warning not to touch,
or slip on heated streams,
warming just too much,
inside a clouded dream.
I drowned crystal cerulean,
whitewashed days away,
heavy on the oceans bight,
a fallen feathered stray.
Tar stains on my back
cannot blemish me,
wax runs red to legs,
the sun has set me free.
[/quote]
Laughter trails behind me,
wings beating faster to the breast,
cliff tops drop beneath me,
sea breeze glides to rest.
Although you may be speaking about a group, the switch to 'me' and the addition of that single set on wings would go further in bringing across the Icarus reference and/or metaphor. At first, I thought this was a group of tar and feathered hooligans escaping to the beach!
A warning not to touch,
or slip on heated streams,
warming just too much,
inside a clouded dream.
I drowned crystal cerulean,
whitewashed days away,
heavy on the oceans bight,
a fallen feathered stray.
Tar stains on my back
cannot blemish me,
wax runs red to legs,
the sun has set me free.
[/quote]
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris