Night Moves

[ellajam]

Hi, 71, I've been enjoying this, but have been bothered by the flatness of

I am no longer acquainted
with you;
when you speak to me
I do not know
what to say

in contrast with the richness of the rest of the poem. While this does create a feeling of separation, it also creates a separation in the poem that bothers me. You may like that response, but I was thinking that with a more meaningful title, such as "What is Gone"', those lines could be cut, leaving just the beauty and still showing the current distance.

Just a thought, thanks for the fun of this thread.

Thank you about the title. I couldn't agree more and I have a different title for it. I rarely put my intended titles on my posted poems.

Almost unanimous that I do "something" with the first stanza. I shall. Thank you. Poetry is maddening, isn't it? Not sure "fun" is the right word.

Ha, it's fun when it's someone else's poem.

I remembered you mentioning that you withhold the "real" title, still I can only comment on what you post. I can see why you might do it with an eye to publishing, but I've been learning how integral the title can be. Without it it's similar to withholding a punchline and then wondering why no one understands the joke. Again, just a thought.