01-15-2014, 01:07 PM
Hi, 71, I've been enjoying this, but have been bothered by the flatness of
in contrast with the richness of the rest of the poem. While this does create a feeling of separation, it also creates a separation in the poem that bothers me. You may like that response, but I was thinking that with a more meaningful title, such as "What is Gone"', those lines could be cut, leaving just the beauty and still showing the current distance.
Just a thought, thanks for the fun of this thread.
Quote:I am no longer acquainted
with you;
when you speak to me
I do not know
what to say
in contrast with the richness of the rest of the poem. While this does create a feeling of separation, it also creates a separation in the poem that bothers me. You may like that response, but I was thinking that with a more meaningful title, such as "What is Gone"', those lines could be cut, leaving just the beauty and still showing the current distance.
Just a thought, thanks for the fun of this thread.
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