01-15-2014, 08:51 AM
Hi blake,
metrically speaking, most English feet, especially the more common, natural sounding, and comprehensible ones, generally come in two's. Why on earth would you attempt a long epic with nine-syllable lines? If you are not yet able to master the technicalities of iambic pentameter, why not at least try it first with ten syllables? At least from there you shouldn't be too far from serviceable lines, and verse-able meter.
As is stands it is far too contorted and inaccessible to provide any enjoyment to the reader, even on the surface, just skimming it makes me want to cringe.
Try one more syllable per line, with sensible syntax; and don't worry about rhyming every stanza, just rhyme the ones that fall naturally into place; then bring the readable version back and post it for further review, and to get it to the next step.
This one is going to require several drafts.
metrically speaking, most English feet, especially the more common, natural sounding, and comprehensible ones, generally come in two's. Why on earth would you attempt a long epic with nine-syllable lines? If you are not yet able to master the technicalities of iambic pentameter, why not at least try it first with ten syllables? At least from there you shouldn't be too far from serviceable lines, and verse-able meter.
As is stands it is far too contorted and inaccessible to provide any enjoyment to the reader, even on the surface, just skimming it makes me want to cringe.
Try one more syllable per line, with sensible syntax; and don't worry about rhyming every stanza, just rhyme the ones that fall naturally into place; then bring the readable version back and post it for further review, and to get it to the next step.
This one is going to require several drafts.