A Cold War (A cool city edit)

[sabbath]

The east river blows cut throat breaths,
crystal blue blades that slice
skyscrapers from the dark, piercing
light from their windows.

I like the first line very much. Reminds me of when a gust of wind drives the breath from your lungs, and sets the reader up to understand that this is about a cold winter's day. The last two lines are a bit confusing. It seems that you describe the light from the windows as both dark and piercing? I don't know that dark light can be piercing? Or piercing light dark?


Diamond sheets littered on rooftops
and in streets are stripped
of reflected glittering stars
and their last moonlit pearls.


Glass daggers wept from windowsills
and ledges crack, and are cast
to the snow ploughed pavement below,
swallowed in a hushed stab.

These two stanzas, Contain good imagery but to me are placed wrong. Unless of course we are on a roof? The diamond sheets bring us both to the rooftops, and the streets. Also, consider: "window sills weep glass daggers"


The rattle of can collectors
numbly searching for breaks
is drowned in sirens, cab horns,
and the subway's deep throb.

I stride out, into this trill city
suspended on strings of silver.
My boot steps crunch and bite
into paw printed sifted flour,

seeping a brown slush from beneath,
squeaking on a rare slick patch
of sewer steam melted footpath
as I mist through spectral columns.

Secret savings routes have been revealed,
but furtive mappers are snug,
wrapped in dreys, so no more nuts
will be dug this crisp day.

Bustled by ruddy cheeked bag laden hordes
hungry for consumption,
I steady myself against a sudden slip.
It's easy weather for falling.

A sharp gust sets my teeth a chatter,
scalpelling the warmth from my marrow,
needling, and paring away resilience.
Shivering, I retreat to comfort,

and clutching keys a last wintry blast
draws my thoughts to the can collectors.
Were I again braced for night's wicked chill,
jacketed heavy but walled light,
could I persevere resistant to spite?

My comments are pretty much the same. The images seem to jump from place to place for me. As others have said there are some needless words. I do hope that you consider working this piece. Winter is my favorite time of year, and this is definitely a good start.

A working title only at this point. All feedback greatly appreciated as always.