WORLD STAGE BAR SCENE -PG

[ellajam]

Great suggestions, points to ponder during editing for sure. Yeah theft under $5,000 is a legal term.
For the first line are you suggesting removing the entire line or just "men and women of the sickly age"?
Not sure about the "Are You Okay" line but I'll mess around with it.
I agree that 5th stanza a bit weak.

I definitely can remove the critics bit, I guess I was referring to those who didn't agree with the narrative.

Thanks again for these great comments!

I was just the "men....age" line I was addressing.

That may be bad "I'm OK" advice, it was just a thought, maybe a hasty one.

I like S5, it's just "I've heard that" that I think could be better, maybe "believing" or something along those lines.

Good luck with it.