entropy v4

[Truerenigma]

entropy

His big scared eye stares, vacant, pink, dumb,
and as offensive as a broken clock.
I toss him. He tumbles, freezes, shocked.
A teary scotch heats my belly numb.
My brother baits me, "One?" And off he slumps
into the kitchen for a beer. They're gone.
Talks about how they talked about the law,
of all things, the fawn, at the freezer, crumbling.

I want a wolf to cover us in blood,
rip their heads off, eat the patient doctors,
fling the stocks, the shots, the muzzles, scatter pharmacies like Jesus, get drunk,
howl down the moon, then pop some suds,
and toast that fucking rabbit.

But, on the other hand, there's entropy . . .

Cutting brush at noon today, I saw
a green tail glide over broken holly
leaves, slowly, poorly camouflaged.
It was Christmas, sleeting, and I thought,
it's sub-freezing. Aren't snakes under rocks,
hidden? And I wondered what had got
him, what had scared him into the stinging frost
And I thought, "Can a snake get cold? Can a snake feel lost?"

My father saw it and took a hoe and chopped
its neck. Or another snake's. They look a lot
the same. He tried to toss it, but it got
caught in a tree, where it hangs. My brother's lost.
He finally pulls in past three. He pauses,
Breathes, and walks across the way, faceless.

My father grins and hugs him around the neck,
and a cop turns around in the cul-de-sec,
and it seems like no one finds this place except
on accident. I take off my gloves, and in
no time flat, the heat goes out of them,
and I sit down behind a pile of leaves
and pretend I’m somewhere else, where there is

No help, and therefore there is no need.
Where the wolves would have you long before the grief.


--I'm looking for help w meter, but let me know if you think there's other issues or if you think the meter's fine

I'm having trouble detecting it. were you aiming for i.p.? You have mixed feet and no set amount of them per line. This is a lot for me to go through type out the scan myself. perhaps you could show me your scan and I can show you where you've erred, which may be more illuminating for you anyway. If you like you can ask a mod to move it to milo's forum for mentoring, and I'll help you work out your feet, as well as some other things. You clearly are looking for help and want to learn, but it's going to take a lot of back and forth (and time) and I don't want everyone else to be perpetually getting *bumped* out of the way.