Millstone

[billy]

what do you think? i'll leave my feedback on the long lines.
the 1st two are so bad. embossed and exhaust might just scrape through as a half rhyme but it's a struggle, i also never got much from the ttle but that could just be me.

thanks for the read.

Millstone

Winter’s Albatross wings our season of bane; i know an albatross can be bad luck but i can't work the line out.
warm climate memoirs etch in the hoarfrost. no need for [the]
The moon looks unadorned through thick-frosted panes, The moon, unadorned
it’s fading countenance and majesty lost. a suggest would be [it’s fading countenance lost to....or, it’s fading countenance lost like.......]

Hills glint like scissors; scalpels of disdain, i like the first part of the simile but not the clause, does a scalpel have disdain?
as the quaint countryside grows ice embossed. is [as] needed?
Flesh is uprising against icy chains;
patience held captive in Autumn’s exhaust. i like this, as it plays into the winter line above

We suffer the sting of Demeter’s ordain
regardless of how extreme her accost.
Let’s commune with anguish in pleasure’s refrain
until the goddess surrenders defrost.
de meter and de frost don't feel as though they're doing de job sorry chris i couldn't help it. for me the last stanza feels like it's trying to hard.