tokens of war revised

[71degrees]

In the chill of winter
I shed my fragile skin
dry as late autumn leaves
it slides like a reptile against
a stone.
Devoted soldier,
I soothe my limbs in the
salty sea;
Weeping for receding bruises,
tokens of my battle.
On the shore a man
searches for colors of
the world and motions
me to see shades of peony
and russet at the horizon.
I cast my eyes toward the sunset,
submissive as the sea.

Find a copy of Edward Albee's "Seascape" and read it. If you could see the play, all the better, but it's not one of his most staged plays for reasons you will understand upon reading it. It will help you visual your poem.

The abusive relationship here is wonderfully presented in almost short play fashion, but you start "more toward the end." I want more at the beginning. Don't like the "leaves" imagery. It's not consistent with the rest of the "water" imagery…Also: a sea is not submissive (even though you're talking about the sunset) in "the chill of winter" in which the setting of the poem is presented. I understand you view it as a haven and are looking for peaceful solution, but it doesn't cut w/the presentation.

Really enjoyed reading this. Haven't thought about "Seascape" in quite a while. Thank you.