Hope Behind the Wheel

[billy]

it reads as a sonnet though i'm not good enough to do any scansion on it
some good images that give a feel of age and commitment and a dead love. the two hyphens don't work for me though it might be valid (i'm not to up on punctuation either )
overall it's a sad affair that holds the reader ( this is a compliment :J
at first i thought it was a poem about self. but there is a 2nd person and so the early ambiguity was a good bonus. thanks for the read jenn

Edited with suggestions from Trueengma and Todd-

You're melting fast and I know what you weigh.
Reluctant, I'm the one who's forced to see
the skin relax on bones, your flesh-display
of discontent in life or just with me. [ of] feels a bit awkward, a suggestion would be [a]
I miss the man you were before your eyes, i don't think the enjambment works well enough here. no suggestion really, maybe a comma after before. wish i could be of more help.
half-closed with stress, averted mine. You lost
the boyish smile that shivered up my thighs boyish smile is cliche, i'm sure of this because the judge accused me of having one before sending me to prison )
to gently warm my womb. Away, you tossed not sure the the comma after away works well
my trembling touch, unwilling to be soothed
or let me soothe myself. Sweat- painted hide
is now just diluted memory; you used
to be so ever-willing to provide.
I'd pack my bags to head out on my own, a sad couplet to end.
But I can't leave you struggling here alone.


Original
He gave it up somewhere along the way,
and sadly, I'm the one who's forced to see
the skin relax on bones, a flesh-display
of discontent to share the road with me.
I miss the man he was before his eyes,
half-closed with stress, averted mine. He lost
the boyish smile that shivered up my thighs
and gently warmed my womb. Away, he tossed
my timid touch, unwilling to be soothed
or let me soothe myself. Sweat-painted hide
is now just diluted memory he used
to be so ever-willing to provide.
But I won't leave him struggling there alone.
I'll keep my vows, continue driving home.