Hope Behind the Wheel

[Truerenigma]

I like the change in address--Todd was right about the pronouns (and a lot of other things), also the tone may be more direct this way--and the punctuation is better, but there are some new problems: L1 is a mess, metrically and otherwise--what do you mean "melting fast", what does the addressee's weight, whether the N knows it or not, have to do with anything?-- and the new couplet sounds trite and cliche.

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I'd start over, and try editing more "gently".