My First Attempt

[Mikeodial]

Good first start putting your ideas on paper. Here are some observations.

If the "them" is about dreams then I think you need to either be more or less conclusive to help the reader along.

If it is about something broader, like thoughts then some leadership is required to direct the reader, or yourself a little more.

Perhaps start your rewrite with the intention you have for the poem. If you don't know that, then just let it develop until you see one. I often write that way, and then many others see something else or deeper than I intended.

We all seem to have them,
over time we bury them.
Why must we replace them.
Must we rise out of them?
At night we depart them
hidden to be seized, in the
Cockcrow we find two bits.
Our precious swag gone.
No shadow is left, except silver.
Was it so easy to supplant it?
I will slumber with one eye open,
To take in the flaring wings
and the scintillating sprinkle.

Them, seems a very hard word to replace.

We all seem to have them,
over time we bury them.
Why must we replace them.
Must we rise out of them?
At night we depart them
hidden to be seized, in the
Dawning we find two bits.
Our precious swag gone.
No shadow is left, except mint.
Was it so easy to supplant it?
I will slumber with one eye open,
To take in the flaring wings
and the scintillating sprinkle.