At the Cabaret - revised

[ellajam]

Hi Ella! Thanks for your advice regarding edits, and also for your edit ^^
I actually agree with most of what you say and will definitely make those changes in the next draft.
As for the connectivity of the piece, yes, the speaker at the beginning is simply there to introduce the theme. The opening line is actually a quote from Sally Bowles in the movie 'Cabaret', and it launched me into a reflection on the oddity of referring to someone as an angel. So there is no real linear progression as such, just a series of lateral/thematic leaps. Does it make any more sense in that light, or is there still something missing?

Hi, Lucent, and happy new year.

Although I have a tendency to whine through my own edits about why my connection to a specific thought or word is important to the poem, sometimes it is and sometimes it's not.

When I'm the reader, I don't want the poem explained in a side note, I want it all right there. I'm not suggesting the opening doesn't work (except for "(how fear is folded into aging eyes and morbid yearnings burrow under skin)" , I still can't put that together). It's just not important to me that Sally sparked your interesting angel poem. I actually applied the title to a place the opening might happen, although smoking in cabarets seems to be a thing of the past.