Untitled

[Anokk]

Not really sure where the errors are.....

I suggest you leave your original and post a revision using tigrflye/Jenn's comments.

I know what you are wanting to show with the piece. After you adjust the presentation it can be (the message) refined to a clearer state.

I was looking at this picture one night. and after going to sleep i had the strangest dream. i awoke from said dream and wrote this. ill adjust it and hopefully it will be more liked